This year was my first all vegan Thanksgiving. I was so excited to find new recipes and to try all the dishes that everyone else was bringing.
I’ve found so many awesome vegan blogs over the past few months that my recipes bookmark folder is practically overflowing. Yet somehow I hadn’t even glanced at Pinterest. I’ve avoided that site because I don’t need one more site to get sucked into but it won me over with it’s fantastic groupings of fall vegan food. The pictures were all so well lit and fabulous that I wanted to eat my computer.
After drooling over butternut squash and sausage stuffed phyllo cups and pumpkin bread pudding with maple caramel sauce (oh sweet mother of god, WANT!), I decided on chocolate chip cookie cheesecake bars and good ol’ fashioned mac and cheese.
That sounds great, right?
Well, it wasn’t.
Perhaps I read the recipes wrong. Perhaps my taste buds aren’t vegan enough. Perhaps the cookie bars were supposed to look like someone had spermed inside of them. Yes, spermed. It’s a word now.
The cookie bar recipe I found here. I don’t blame that blog. They obviously worked for her. They did not work for me. They were supposed to look like this:
They did not look like that. Though it looked delicious when it came out of the oven. Once we cut into at the Thanksgiving feast though….yeeesh. The cream cheese/cheesecake filling had turned into a clearish liquid that looked like jizz. Straight up. That’s the truth. It looked like someone had cookie fucked my dessert. The boyfriend pointed out that this was an issue with the cream cheese chocolate cupcakes that I so adore. They do look jizzed in but they’re delicious. I could have forgiven the cookie bars for being sluts if they had been delicious sluts. But they were not. I was embarrassed that people ate it. It was a sugary mass of FAIL.
Moving on to the “blue box” style mac and cheese. I found the recipe for this here. Her pictures were gorgeous. I could almost taste the creamy goodness (ew, too soon after all the jizz talk, yes?).
I haven’t made mac and cheese without the help of Daiya yet. Knowing my Thanksgiving hosts were trying to stay away from fake cheese, I wanted to go the extra mile and make my own sauce from scratch. Well, tits. It did not work.
I was wary of a recipe calling for tahini, white beans, mustard and agave but since I know nothing about making fake cheese sauce, I went with it. If the intent was to make a sauce that smelled like peanut butter and tasted like foot stink, then I win the prize. There was nothing even remotely cheese like in the flavor and it looked nothing like the photos. It was sweet, an upsetting texture and even the boyfriend, who loves almost everything, made a horrible face after tasting it.
I’m not sure where I went wrong. Next time I’ll try a cashew cream recipe and see if I get better results. If anyone has a bomb mac and cheese recipe that doesn’t involve Daiya, I would love to have it.
I ended up making my old stand-by mac and cheese with a roux and some of the new Daiya wedges. The host said she liked it but to me it tasted off and plastic like.
All in all : FAIL.
A few weeks ago we filmed a drunk vegan mac and cheese video. Obviously, that video was inspired by My Drunk Kitchen’s Hannah Hart. If you haven’t watched all her videos then I really don’t know what you’re doing with your life.
In thanks to her for inspiring us to get shitfaced and cook some subpar vegan food, we wrote her a love song.
Here it is.
Every Wednesday night we have been going to whiskey club at Holman’s. Okay, sometimes I skip a week because I’m still recovering from last week. Whiskey club is rough on a bitch. The club is this: You drink 27 different kinds of whiskey and you get a t shirt and a plaque at the bar. I’m only at 11. The boyfriend already finished. Champion.
Obviously, we get hammered. Upon arriving home I tear through the kitchen in search of carbs to shove in my drunken maw. If I have the energy and enthusiasm though, I make mac and “cheese”. It’s the easiest mac and cheese recipe ever. It involves no planning and no fuckin’ cashew cream.
We decided we should film a how-to video. While really drunk.
My love of My Drunk Kitchen is no secret. No one can drunk cook like Hannah, so I’m not trying to rip her off. I just really love cooking. And I’m really good at drinking. And being a jack ass. It only seemed natural to combine the three. Besides, I wrote Hannah a bitchin’ song in tribute that I’ll post here later.
Here’s the actual recipe since, shockingly, my instructional video isn’t actually very instructional. I got this from To Live And Eat In LA
16oz package of elbow macaroni or pasta of choice
3 cups shredded Daiya Cheddar Cheese
3 tablespoons vegan butter
3 tablespoons flour
2 to 2 1/2 cups* unsweetened rice or soy milk (see recipe below for notes)
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
Salt to taste
Enough panko bread crumbs to liberally cover
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Cook pasta about 5 minutes until it’s just tender. Don’t cook all the way or it will fall apart when you bake it.
3. Drain pasta and transfer to greased baking dish. I packed it all into a smaller 8×10 dish so it would set up nice and thick.
4. Mix in about 2/3′s of the cheese into the pasta and set aside.
5. In a small pot melt the butter. Add the salt & pepper, then whisk in the flour until combined. Stir in the milk. Keep stirring until it starts to boil, then keep stirring for about another minute until it thickens up. *(Start with 2 cups of milk but if sauce gets too thick just add a little bit more, you don’t want it to be like a paste, just a thickened liquid).
6. Pour the milk mixture into the pasta and mix everything well. Top with the remaining cheese. Then cover everything with a generous layer of breadcrumbs.
7. Pop in the oven for 30 minutes or until the cheese is bubbling and top is starting to brown.
It really is cheesy, delicious and amazing. Even non-vegans like it! Now go get drunk and try it!