I’m going to let you in a secret.
I’m a shitty vegan.
I would say that 85% of the time I’m really good about it. Maybe even 90%. Then I go on vacation. Or I’m cranky. It’s not like I slip up and eat a steak topped with bacon. I haven’t had meat in a damn long time and don’t miss it at all. But yeah, on vacation I ate cheese and other random dairy items. I felt guilty about it. But I also really enjoyed what I was eating.
Normally when I get to this point in frustration with veganism (lack of convenience, lack of options while out to eat, questioning myself) I sit down and watch a documentary about food and how we treat animals and I feel reinvigorated and motivated to make it work.
Trouble is, I’ve always been an emotional eater. I’ve never eaten for health or to fuel my body. Even into my 30’s I’ve been lucky enough that no matter how much crap I shove into my gaping maw, I don’t get fat. Chub comes and goes but exercise brings it down. I realize though, that eating for pleasure is not going to keep me alive and spring chickeny.
So making the transition to veganism plus trying to teach myself how to eat properly is enough to make me tear my hair out. My body feels terrible lately, even when eating strictly vegan, because I’m not eating the right things. I can read all the cookbooks in the world that tell me how to make squash and quinoa dinners but my heart and my stomach give the middle finger to such food.
That. Is. Terrible. And wrong, I know.
My body is addicted to bad food. Even if it’s vegan bad food (vegan frozen yogurt, mac and cheez and bbq pulled “pork”), it’s still horrible for me. I have no will power when it comes to food and a complete lack of knowledge on how to prepare anything other than enchiladas and cupcakes.
So what do I do to break this cycle, fellow vegans? How do I learn to eat for fuel and not simply for pleasure? Do you have tips or advice from when you transitioned?
I know I can still enjoy food. Healthy can be tasty. But I’m at a loss and my motivation is shrinking.
Help a bitch out.
I tend to get obsessive about things. Exercise, health kicks in general, shoes, dogs, whiskey. I’ve never been one for moderation and I’m about as patient as Lindsay Lohan is when waiting for her dealer to show up. That is to say, not at all.
When I decided I was going to start learning to bake, I went barreling into it. Tossing flour around, dirtying every dish in my kitchen, puzzling over egg replacer and sometimes coming out with something edible.
Last week, I decided that I as going to make cupcakes. But not just one flavor. Three different flavors. In the interest of keeping posts brief and having more of them to write, I’ll only give you one recipe here.
I grew up gorging myself on these particular cupcakes at every available opportunity. I distinctly remember begging my mom to buy one for me every time we were in a ten block radius of the bakery that sold them. As a teenager I got a job at the bakery, possibly just to eat even more of the cupcakes, for free no less.
After jetting out of my hometown at 18, I forgot all about these fantastic nuggets of magic until a search for vegan cupcakes on the web turned up this recipe.
Vegan Chocolate Cream Cheese Cupcakes!
I got this recipe from Jeccabellezza’s blog which is full of tasty vegan food.
The boyfriend informed me that it looked like someone had come on top of my cupcakes. Jizz cupcakes are not enticing so I will not be renaming these thusly. Yes, I just made an ejaculation joke on a vegan blog. That’s how it’s gonna be here, people. If you can’t handle the jizz, get out the kitchen!
These are so effin’ delicious!!!! Gah, I want them in my house at all times.
Maybe someday I’ll use my actual camera instead of my phone to take kitchen pictures. That would probably be the smart thing to do. I am many things but smart sometimes sure isn’t one of them.
Stay tuned for the other two cupcake recipes!