Oh…Hooray.

Urban Decay has decided to not sell in China where the government requires animal testing.

Good.

I’d like to think that public outcry on the internet had something to do with their decision to pull out of China. There was a whole lot of angry floating around and I hope they learned their lesson.

In other news, I currently suck at and do not give a shit about blogging.

Our Love Song To Hannah Hart

A few weeks ago we filmed a drunk vegan mac and cheese video. Obviously, that video was inspired by My Drunk Kitchen’s Hannah Hart. If you haven’t watched all her videos then I really don’t know what you’re doing with your life.

Seriously.

In thanks to her for inspiring us to get shitfaced and cook some subpar vegan food, we wrote her a love song.

Here it is.

Suck it, Urban Decay

Oh hi, I’ve been off rescuing injured south African ponies from very high tree branches. Crazy ponies. It’s been very hard to blog.

The boyfriend’s parents were in town actually. I was busy exploring the Oregon coast with them and gobbling up all the free food that I could shove in my face. Blogging was not on my to-do list.

I have over 10 posts that I need to write but only moments ago I received a text from my dear Anja that read:

“Have you read Urban Decay’s press release about starting to sell in China?”

MOTHERFUCKER!

Not even a month ago, I wrote this article about my quest to use cruelty free make-up brands. Urban Decay and Smashbox were two of the high profile companies that were adamant about not testing on animals. One week later, Smashbox starting selling in China where the government requires it.

Now Urban Decay has joined the bunny beating party,

MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLES. 

They reached out to some beauty bloggers and let them know that they would answer any questions that the public may have. Sounds like a fat load of crap to me, UD. Better to just own up to it and say, “While we value animals and oppose testing on them, we love money way more. Therefore, we’re totally willing to to kill some bunnies in order to make a fat pile of cash off of the Chinese.

Dick eaters. Bullshit spewing cock punchers.

So kids, add Urban Decay as one more on the list of brands that you shouldn’t buy!

Whiskey Wednesday cooking: Mac and “Cheese”

Every Wednesday night we have been going to whiskey club at Holman’s. Okay, sometimes I skip a week because I’m still recovering from last week. Whiskey club is rough on a bitch. The club is this: You drink 27 different kinds of whiskey and you get a t shirt and a plaque at the bar. I’m only at 11. The boyfriend already finished. Champion.

Obviously, we get hammered. Upon arriving home I tear through the kitchen in search of carbs to shove in my drunken maw. If I have the energy and enthusiasm though, I make mac and “cheese”. It’s the easiest mac and cheese recipe ever. It involves no planning and no fuckin’ cashew cream.

We decided we should film a how-to video. While really drunk.

My love of My Drunk Kitchen is no secret. No one can drunk cook like Hannah, so I’m not trying to rip her off. I just really love cooking. And I’m really good at drinking. And being a jack ass. It only seemed natural to combine the three. Besides, I wrote Hannah a bitchin’ song in tribute that I’ll post here later.

 

 

Here’s the actual recipe since, shockingly, my instructional video isn’t actually very instructional. I got this from To Live And Eat In LA

Ingredients-
16oz package of elbow macaroni or pasta of choice 
3 cups shredded Daiya Cheddar Cheese
3 tablespoons vegan butter
3 tablespoons flour
2 to 2 1/2 cups* unsweetened rice or soy milk (see recipe below for notes)
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
Salt to taste
Enough panko bread crumbs to liberally cover 

Directions-
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Cook pasta about 5 minutes until it’s just tender. Don’t cook all the way or it will fall apart when you bake it.
3. Drain pasta and transfer to greased baking dish. I packed it all into a smaller 8×10 dish so it would set up nice and thick.
4. Mix in about 2/3′s of the cheese into the pasta and set aside.
5. In a small pot melt the butter. Add the salt & pepper, then whisk in the flour until combined. Stir in the milk. Keep stirring until it starts to boil, then keep stirring for about another minute until it thickens up. *(Start with 2 cups of milk but if sauce gets too thick just add a little bit more, you don’t want it to be like a paste, just a thickened liquid).
6. Pour the milk mixture into the pasta and mix everything well. Top with the remaining cheese. Then cover everything with a generous layer of breadcrumbs.
7. Pop in the oven for 30 minutes or until the cheese is bubbling and top is starting to brown. 

 

It really is cheesy, delicious and amazing. Even non-vegans like it! Now go get drunk and try it!

Review: Martha Stewart’s Sanity

I was at work the other day flipping through Martha Stewart’s Living magazine between clients when I found this bonkers recipe: Potato chip cookies. 

Okay so this might not have been Martha’s brainchild but you know she signed off on it because she didn’t get uber rich by sitting back and letting other people run her magazines. I bet she has a big stamp that says REJECTED on one side and APPROVED on the other. Then her minions bring her recipes and she scans them for ten seconds before forcefully stamping their fate on them. At least that’s what I’d like to imagine.

(Am I the only one that didn’t know Martha was freakin’ hot back in the day? Damn, girl!)

After trying to find the exact recipe on the web I have come to realize that this is something batty housewives have been doing for years. Who knew? Not me. My mother never put anything savory into a cookie. She liked her sweets sweet. Am I the only child who grew up without these things? The boyfriend had never heard of them either and he may have cringed when I announced I was making them last night.

I’m posting the recipe, veganized of course, in case you have the desire to spend an hour in your kitchen smashing the shit out of potato chips.

Potato Chip Cookies

Ingredients

  • 1 cup Earth Balance, softened
  • 3/4 cup sugar
  • 3/4 cup packed brown sugar
  • Egg replacer equal to 2 eggs
  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 2 cups crushed potato chips
  • 1 Cup of chopped pecans

Directions

  • In a large bowl, cream Earth Balance and sugars until light and fluffy. Add egg replacer. Combine flour and baking soda; gradually add to creamed mixture and mix well. Stir in potato chips and pecans.
  • Drop by tablespoonfuls 2 in. apart onto ungreased baking sheets. Bake at 375° for 10-12 minutes or until golden brown. Cool for 1 minute before removing to wire racks. Yield: 4 dozen.
You also have the option of rolling the dough into balls and then covering them with more crushed potato chips. I opted for that. You can also add chocolate or butterscotch chips. They might have been tastier that way.
I didn’t take any photos of mine because they were hideous. Especially after the first batch. I got distracted watching Despicable Me and drinking beer and burned several batches. Neither I or the boyfriend cared too much.
They should look something like this though:
Sorry, Martha but I give this cookie 3 out of 10 puppies:

Review: Homegrown Smoker Vegan BBQ Food Cart

Sweet tits, I can’t believe it’s taken me two months to get my ass to this cart and gorge myself.

I’d like to start this by mentioning that I’ve never been a health food person. Being vegan, for me, doesn’t mean I’m eating any better than I used to. It just means I’m not hurting anything by eating the junk food I eat now. In fact, I get all sorts of pissy when  I go to a vegan restaurant and find nothing but hummus, falafel, kale salads and chick pea burgers. Not that those things are bad. I just don’t want them in my mouth.

I’m at the point in veganism (and perhaps this never goes away) that I just want to eat everything that I got to eat before, minus the dairy. I still want mac and cheese and milk shakes and ranch dressing. I just have to either make it from scratch or find the few and far between junk food vegan places in PDX.

Homegrown Smoker is so very much my kind of place. Their website is lacking and their hours are wonky but the food makes it worth it ten times over. Plus they just opened a cart on the east side! Because I don’t know about the rest of you south easters but I never go to the west side unless I have to.

Today I got the Loafaroni. It’s a bbq meatloaf sandwich with mac and cheese. No, not mac and cheese on the side. Mac and cheese on top of the meatloaf IN the sandwich. I got baked beans as my side and while the flavor was great they were kinda crunchy. Not sure if that was a weird batch or if they’re always that way.

Guuuuh…so good. The boyfriend got the Macancheetoh. I could be spelling that wrong but who cares. The only thing you need to know is that it’s a burrito filled with sausage, mac and cheese and baked beans. WHAT? Yes.

I don’t think I could eat here much more than twice a month due to the serious gut bomb feeling after I ate. Not gut bomb like I was going to shit my pants or barf. Just in the way that it was a lot of rich flavors in a lot of food.

Delicious.

They have new specials all the time. Today’s was a pastrami sandwich topped with, what else, mac and cheese. Their website informs you of menu changes and their twitter feed keeps you up to date on their hours.

All in all, I’d say 9 out of 10 puppies:

Christmas puppies no less. In June. Sure.

Holla At Some Challah Bread!

Yes, I just made that joke. Deal with it.

This whole baking kick I’m on is rad. Except for the fact that even though I’m going to trapeze/aerial class twice a week (okay maybe sometimes just once a week) I’m getting chubbier. I made more cupcakes the other night because I just got Vegan Cupcakes Take Over The World. I had to try a recipe! Even if I just made cupcakes last week.

As if constant cupcake baking wasn’t enough to destroy my waistline, I’m really loving baking bread as well. I’ve made french bread a few times already so yesterday I decided to try making some challah.

I just really love saying challah.

I found this recipe on Vocal Vegan. There is a ton of challah recipes out there but this one was the most simple and I already had everything I needed to make it.

2 cups warm water
5 teaspoons yeast
1 tablespoon sugar
1/4 cup sugar
1 tablespoon salt
2 cups flour (white or wheat or a mix)
1/4 cup oil
1 egg (substitute)
3 to 5 cups flour (white or wheat or a mix)

Combine 2 cups of warm water with yeast and sugar (1 tablespoon).  Let sit until the yeast foams or bubbles.

Mix the 1/4 cup sugar, salt and 2 cups of flour in a bowl.  Add the yeast mixture once it has foamed.  Add the oil and egg substitute, then 3 to 5 cups of flour until the dough has a nice consistency (not to sticky but not too dry).   

Kneed for a few minutes and place in a bowl covered with a towel in a warm spot for one hour to rise.  Punch the bread down and kneed a bit more.  Split it into two pieces.  Then split each of those into three long thin pieces that you can then braid together.  After creating two braided loaves, place on a cookie sheet (oiled lightly or with parchment paper) to rise for another hour.  Bake for 20 minutes at 375 degrees.

Most recipes I found called for either whole wheat flour or a mix of white and wheat. I only had white so I went with that. It worked out great.

Make sure to read ALL the directions first so you’re not confused about what amount of flour goes where and when it goes there.

Yeah…so…they’re really ugly looking loaves. Braiding bread dough is effin hard though! If anyone has any tips on how to make a pretty braided loaf, I’d love to hear it.

Not much prettier when baked but good lord, it’s tasty! We’ve eaten it smeared with Earth Balance and dipped in olive oil and salt. God, we’re so healthy.

I give this recipe 10 out of 10 puppies:

Speaking of puppies. I got to hang out with seven at once at my friend’s house the other day. Along with some chickens. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and fell deeply in love with this little guy.

Now go forth and bake some bread so that I’m not the only chubbster around here.